Paternity Leave and Medical School
Tomorrow, my family will go from being a household of four to a household of five. I am excited to meet our daughter, and I have many feelings from excitement to nervousness for my wife since she’s going to be the one recovering from the delivery. Anyway, I have been asked by family and friends about how paternity leave works in medical school and I cannot help but laugh a little. What's paternity leave?
Not that medical school is inhospitable or unreceptive of family ideals because as I feel that my medical school has been family friendly from the beginning. Some of the parent-students I go to school with even chose RUSM over other offshore schools because of the availability of a childcare center on campus.
However, the current policy of my medical school regarding leave allots for two days per month of rotation, and there is no designated excuse time for expectant parents. I am not necessarily sure there should be the expectation of paternity leave because it is medical school which is its own microcosm with a reputation of being arduous and demanding.
I cannot expect anything less for people learning to affect the outcomes of people’s lives. I also cannot agree this should hold true for women with aspirations of having a family and a medical career as I am sure anyone who has gone through the Ob-Gyn rotation can see firsthand that pregnancy and delivery can put a woman through hell. Maternity leave is a completely different topic for another day, and maybe I’ll con my friend Sarah to describe her opinion of being a medical-student mom in a guest blog….maybe.
Anyway, there is a way to take off time from the rotations altogether by taking a leave of absence. Some people take off months to study for board exams, health-related problems, or whatever reason you can come up with but these leaves of absence are not without a cost. For some students, the time off can derail the ability to match into residency by a year. For others, they will have to explain to residency directors why they have a gap in their education. These explanations are generally needed for students who have a gap of 4 or more weeks, and I think it is reasonable to find out why a student has been missing time from their education because that could indicate character differences (for example, a student who has a 12-week gap due to caring for a dying parent may be viewed differently than a student who has a 12-week gap due to prepping for a STEP exam). As a dad, taking a leave of absence did not seem important to my functioning within my family in terms of bonding with baby. Having two boys already, I can attest that the small moments I make with them is from where our strong bond comes, and I intend to enjoy the little moments with my daughter too. Plus, I don't think either the boys nor I can remember those first blurry weeks of their lives.
Is paternity leave for the mom then? Probably more helpful when having a baby if both parents can be there for the first few weeks to help the mother recover from delivery while the father helps through supporting the recovery (and running after those other two kiddos in my case). Although my wife is having a c-section and will need added support for the first few weeks, it was more important to us that I keep my focus in medicine to complete this degree and not derail from our timeline. Instead, we opted to reach out to family members to find out how we can shuffle through our support network to alternate getting help through the few weeks while my wife begins to heal.
We are fortunate to have family for support that is able to come to Atlanta and help us. We have also been fortunate that the birth plans didn’t change dramatically or without warning which has given us time to reach out to my wife’s moms and plan our attack as a family. Our original expectation of January 5 (which is the last day of the IM rotation) ended up being moved up to tomorrow, but my wife and our family/friend network has been great at helping us be flexible and accommodate this change. Thanks, y'all!
Furthermore, my current preceptor, who has been supportive and fantastic, tried to give me more than the three days I was requesting and has been reassuring and reinforcing that if anything changes she will be more than willing to accommodate the needs without recourse. My attending's attitude toward my family's needs has been truly more than a medical student would anticipate and has alleviated much burden that tends to come with third year. The difference between attending reactions really does influence how your needs in tending to your family might be met. My experience thus far has been largely positive in regards to students who have familial obligations, and proper planning mixed with upfront, honest, and open dialogue really can be what eases the pressure of finding the work-life rhythm between family and medicine.
If anyone has any questions pertaining to being an expectant dad during medical school, or if I can possibly answer any of your questions, then feel free to reach out anytime. Today, I have to give a presentation for didactics today for Internal Medicine and tomorrow to welcome our baby! Happy New Year to everyone!!!